Ever get to that place where, no matter how many good things there are, you can’t keep thinking about them? That place where all you can think about is the things that are wrong in your life? That place where no matter what other people tell you, whether it be good news or bad, you just almost don’t hear it, because those wrong things in your own life are just screaming at you? I’m having trouble getting out.
I know, there are other people in way worse situations than I am, and there are starving children in the world, and there are people who would trade their arm to be in my shoes. But right now, all I can think about is that this sucks.
We never did find a babysitter for Saturday, so even though I did finish both the socks and the alpaca shawl, I didn’t get to wear them anywhere. Hubby spent the entire day in front of the tv with the laptop on his lap watching I don’t even know what. I took the kids somewhere and had fun until David threw a fit when he realized that we didn’t pack forks for our salads. Nevermind that we had other things to eat.
I don’t even know when or where I’m going to get the chance to wear them. That’s what sucks. Hubby is so involved with a jillion things right now, actually, that’s like usual. Seems like there’s always something he “has” to do. The closest thing I get to do to dressing up is for church, and frankly, without going into a ton of details, that’s not someplace I feel right being right now. I recently found out that hubby had been sharing things at his men’s group that I feel mortified about, and now whenever I go there, I’m constantly on edge, wondering if whoever I’m looking at “knows”.
Our babysitter list has apparently dried up. Hubby had a list, can’t find it, or lost it, or it has dwindled down to 2 or 3 people, one of whom won’t be babysitting at all this entire summer.
I miss my mom. Is it weird that the main reason I watch our wedding video is to see her and hear her voice? She used to be in a gospel group, and they recorded 2 tapes. Remember cassettes? I have them both, and they’re in my car. I should probably get them recorded onto a cd or something before they degrade. I wish I could show her that I can knit now. And that I made goulash for the boys for supper.
I’m also trying to lose weight. It’s not going well. I’m hungry almost all the time, and all I can think about is all the things I can’t eat right now. I’m trying to change my attitude towards food, not using it as a reward, comfort and all that. That’s not working either.
That’s all for now. Hubby’s on another conference call, and I have to get the boys tucked in. I’ll post the pattern for those twisted rib socks later this week if anyone’s interested.
